. . . p a u l   j .   n e w e l l
book launch: Caption Competition
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Thanks and well done to everyone who took part in the caption competition. You did a good job. Well, some of you did. I must apologise on behalf of the entrants for the questionable nature of some of the captions. I must apologise on behalf of myself for choosing those of questionable nature as the winners.

Winner

"Another curry, another hippo shaped dump"
- Nigel and Tim

Notable mention

"Novelist endorses faecal art exhibition"
- Andy and Leo
"Paul was relieved to discover his date for the evening wasn’t a moose"
- Richard K.

The Rest (in no particular order)

"These donkeys aren’t as fast as it said in the brochure"
- Iain
"Can’t bend his ear anymore"
- Cedric
"Hippo-chocolate-mess"
- Mark
"The ridgeback hippo was Paul’s favourite"
- Matt
"Best ride of your life"
- Simon and Catherine
"Tickle my ears and I’m yours!"
Richard A.
"Sport Relief 2007: Only Fools on Hippos!"
- Sally and Sue
Winner

"Paul hopes it’s true what they say about big feet"
- Richard A.

Notable mention

"Paul always shrank in his shoes when standing next to dykes"
- Andy and Leo
"They look good but they are a bit snug"
- Nigel and Tim
"If they’re too big for me they’ll be too big for the mice"
- Iain

The Rest (in no particular order)

“Paul was keen to show the girls how big his feet really were”
- Matt
“Not his best ebay purchase”
- Mark
“So who’s up for water skiing?”
- Cedric
“A dedicated follower of fashion”
- Simon and Catherine
“Despite all this book excitement Paul wasn’t getting too big for his boots”
- Richard K.
“Paul feels he should dress the part for his trip to Holland”
- Sally and Sue

Winner

"Testing of the new Airbus A380 ends in failure"
- Mark

Notable mention

"Paul would do anything to get his first draft back"
- Andy and Leo
"No stone was left unturned in the search for Tara Greene"
- Matt

The Rest (in no particular order)

"I can manage the torso and the legs, but no chance with the feet"
- Nigel and Tim
"It’s got my watch and I’m not coming out till I find it"
- Sally and Sue
"Tough wisdom tooth this!"
- Cedric
"You need a tooth pulled and a filling"
- Iain
"Does my bum look big in this"
- Simon and Catherine
"Does my bum look big in this"
- Richard K.
"You’ve bought my book, now where’s my money?"
- Richard A.
Winner

"The seeds of doubt over Paul’s new book were growing"
- Matt

Notable mention

"If only Paul had not been posing, he might have seen the combine harvester coming"
- Simon and Catherine
"I’ve ‘Turned’ – was it the wrong way?"
- Richard A.

The Rest (in no particular order)

"Whilst pondering what his novel would teach, Paul failed to disappear"
- Andy and Leo
"The operation to shrink Paul’s feet went a bit wrong and left him 2 inches tall "
- Nigel and Tim
"Where the hell are we?! (tribe from Papua New Guinea)"
- Cedric
"Real men don’t need Sat Nav!"
- Mark
"I’d cut the lawn if I could find the lawn mower"
- Iain
"Paul wondered whether he should have got his mower out earlier in the season"
- Richard K.
"Oops, I’ve taken the wrong Turn…"
- Sally and Sue